Goodbye Letter

Yes, I hear you!!!
Your voice echoes echoes echoes in my mind
as the words soarrrr off the lines
dysfunck-ing my atmosphere
inhaling stenched excuses
each syllable
singes my nostrils
burns my eyes
I cry
inside
to smother the wildfire
blazing through my heart

The flame once set upon the torch
that kept the passion burning
is at its wick’s end
One more deep breath
may be its demise
Another breath…
Ahhhh


Candace Baldwin © 2009-2013. All rights reserved

Candidate for Mr. Right

Lord knows patience is at practice while waiting for God to send us single women a husband. Yet, so often, women of God are out looking for any ole’ Mr. Good Guy, instead of allowing Mr. Right to find us.

Recently, I found myself pouting when I met another guy who isn’t Mr. Right. A candidate for Mr. Right is no longer just who I like, but I’ve come to the understanding of three things: 1) Although there are many fish in the sea, there is only one Mr. Right for me; 2) God knows just who he is; and 3) he will find me.

As we grow in Christ, our choices change. We begin to desire the things of God and less worldly things; we begin seeking His will rather than our own. When I was in the world, if the brotha’ was decent looking, had a job, didn’t have a woman, and was nice (I was a sucker for “nice” guys) then he was a prime candidate for being my man. Now, the criteria is different. First of all, I don’t want just a man, I want a husband. Secondly, he must be a man of God. This goes beyond the former “plus” for the brother saying he was a Christian. Truly being equally yoked includes the level of spiritual maturity as well. For me, Mr. Right must know God, not just know of him. Coming from a long line of strong, domineering women, submission has always been a challenge. I strive in this area, but since I must, I will feel eased by submitting to a man that himself is submitting to Christ. Thus, he must have a personal relationship with Jesus. Otherwise, we may be in conflict, because I won’t trust the decisions he makes for the household. Better yet, give me a man after God’s own heart and on fire for the Lord. Yeah!

What is interesting to me, even with the criteria changing, some of the things that I was attracted to still linger. By nature, women are nurturers. Topped off with a heart to encourage others, I realize that I’m attracted to people who need guidance. I am able to see potential in everyone simply because I know that God has a purpose for them and the power to change lives. This is fine for ministry, but my mind must be renewed in this sense for a husband. A woman of God once told me how rather than desiring a man to help obtain, I must desire a man to help maintain. Hearing that was one of those “Wow” moments for me. This wisdom stems from looking at Adam and Eve in the garden. Adam already had the garden. God gave him Eve as a help mate to assist in maintaining what Adam already had. So, Mr. Right should already have some fruit (both spiritual and natural).


Finally, there is the issue that we experience looking at our own eligibility. Growing in age, with children of my own and increased inches around the waistline, seems that I may not be a prime selection myself in the physical sense. But a man of God seeks a godly woman above all things. Here, we can draw on the faith of Ruth,whose mother-in-law Naomi was too old to bare a son for her to wed after Ruth’s husband died. Surely, Ruth desired to have a husband, yet she continued on in her mission to care for Naomi. In the process, God blessed her with Boaz. So, as we continue in the will and work of God, we position ourselves to meet up with Mr. Right. This includes areas in our personal lives. Likewise, I believe God is working on that soon-to-be-blessed-because-he-will-have-found-a-good-thing-in-us man of God too. Even if you’re a loner like me, only going to church and grocery shopping is often the highlight of my week, God knows exactly where you’re at. If we depend on Him, Mr. Right will find us there… right in the center of God's will.

Teardrops Inspiration: Letting Go

Sometimes, we have to let go of people, situations, a bad investment, bad habits, even our dreams if they’re not in alignment with our purpose. It’s not easy and it’s definitely a process that I’ve went through hundreds of times. However, it’s something we must learn to do in order to move forward in our lives. Also, in regards to people, it’s required that we forgive… so God can forgive us.

I wrote Teardrops when I realized I had let go of a dream. It’s a good dream, and I believe God-sent, but the timing just isn’t right. I knew I had let go, because I am able to do things for the people involved without any ill feelings or emotions. I am free to love and support with hopes for the best.

Teardrops captures the seasons and emotions we experience in the process of letting go. Realistically, there are some other phases, and we may bounce back and forth before obtaining a sense of freedom. The first two seasons (stanzas) are severe Sadness and Anger which are common, but unhealthy. I used to hate the emotional part, crying and carrying on, feeling gloomy with no motivation. Plus, I felt like a wimp. If and when you go through these stages, make them short-lived. Don’t get stuck in them. The final two stages are Healing and Freedom, finally… letting go! You can tell when you’ve let go when the person or thing doesn’t consume your mind and you can be happy for them.

Is there something or someone hindering your purpose? Perhaps, it's time to... let go. Face your fears and let God fill the empty space. If it's meant for you to have, it will come back to you... in His time.

In an effort to shorten the length of my posts, I’ve only posted a condensed version of this inspiration. The full writing goes into depth about the seasons, includes my personal testimonies, addresses letting go of relationships and answers questions like "Why you do I have to let go?", “Why is letting go so hard to do?” and “How do I let go?” If you’d like the full version, please befriend me on Google (lower right), FaceBook or Twitter and send me a message. I will add you to my mailing list and send it to you.

In the meantime, enjoy Teardrops!

Deeper Restoration

I wrote the poem Mine Eyes Upon the Lord at the end of a season in my life what I termed as "Deeper Restoration." My partying and hanging days were behind me. I was a devoted Christian by this time and had become responsible with finances and managing my household. I had been recognized for many accomplishments, yet there was some deeper work to be done... within.

I discovered this after I met my Boaz. The brotha' was wise, witty, fine and on fire for the Lord! It was all good at first, but when I fell in love, insecurities from my past resurfaced. Caught off guard, I was astonished at how I felt about myself. Suddenly, I realized... I was aging. I didn't feel like that cute, young honey anymore. I'd gained a little weight, noticing a few not-so-cute dimples in places other than the one on my face. As a minster, I no longer dressed provocatively to emphasize the sexy parts of my body I had once been so proud to show off. No, it was the real deal, just me. How was I to appeal to this godly man in my life without strutting my stuff?

To my amazement, good ole' Christian Candace began behaving like many women dealing with low self-esteem who are in relationships... I started tripping. Comparing myself to other women, comparing my man to former boyfriends, getting an attitude and jealous for no reason. I was making assumptions on how he felt, thinking he was using or betraying me. Oh, it was crazy! I thought, "Where in the world is this coming from?" I knew I had to get it together... real quick!


At first, I tried to heal myself. A distorted self-image and deep insecurities had robbed my joy and hindered my purpose for far too long. After reading tons of books and spending a lot of unnecessary money on physical restoration, I still found myself reacting to my past… making hasty decisions, dishonoring my man and destroying our future. More so, I felt like I had failed and displeased God, who had blessed me with this incredible man in the first place. Finally, I separated from him to spend a season with God... a season of "Deeper Restoration." It lasted for a few months, but was the greatest thing I could have ever done for our relationship.

If you're in a similar state, take some time out for personal healing. Although exercise, good eating habits and taking care of your body is a good thing, only God can truly restore you to realize your true worth. God showed me that through His Word would I be delivered, because there one can find their identity, purpose and value. It is in the Bible that you'll be reminded that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, a royal priestess, daughter of the Most High. You may have heard and even quoted some of these scriptures I studied during the season of "Deeper Restoration," but take a few weeks to meditate on them:

• Read and re-read the scriptures daily
  
• memorize and repeat verses to yourself throughout the day
  
• pray for God to give you understanding
  
• look up cross-references
  
• post scriptures on your wall or as notes in your cell phone
  
• study words from original Hebrew or Greek language
  
• share with other women about what God is revealing to you
  
• listen to sermons on the topics
  
• journal your thoughts along the way
  

After spending much time focusing on self-love, prayer, and meditation, the result was a few simple words that changed my life forever. Keep my eyes on Jesus. Outside influences and deceptive thoughts can distort your reality. Just keep your eyes on Him. So, when you get discouraged… think about Jesus. If you get crazy thoughts about someone who loves you trying to betray you… think about the Lord. If you're feeling unattractive... what does God have to say about you, His most prized possession? When you want to beat yourself up for falling short… seek his mercy. It's yours, because you are His righteousness through Christ. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing, including loved ones, children, the people at work, at church… not even your man. If you just keep your eyes on Him, He will heal, protect and lead you into your destiny.

Here are just a few Deeper Restoration scriptures to get you started, but you will be blessed as more are revealed to you personally during your season:
Genesis 2:18-24; Psalm 139:14; Proverbs 5:19, 31:10-31; Isaiah 61:3; Zechariah 2:8; 2 Corinthians 10:5; 1 Peter 2:9

Read Mine Eyes Upon the Lord