Candidate for Mr. Right

Lord knows patience is at practice while waiting for God to send us single women a husband. Yet, so often, women of God are out looking for any ole’ Mr. Good Guy, instead of allowing Mr. Right to find us.

Recently, I found myself pouting when I met another guy who isn’t Mr. Right. A candidate for Mr. Right is no longer just who I like, but I’ve come to the understanding of three things: 1) Although there are many fish in the sea, there is only one Mr. Right for me; 2) God knows just who he is; and 3) he will find me.

As we grow in Christ, our choices change. We begin to desire the things of God and less worldly things; we begin seeking His will rather than our own. When I was in the world, if the brotha’ was decent looking, had a job, didn’t have a woman, and was nice (I was a sucker for “nice” guys) then he was a prime candidate for being my man. Now, the criteria is different. First of all, I don’t want just a man, I want a husband. Secondly, he must be a man of God. This goes beyond the former “plus” for the brother saying he was a Christian. Truly being equally yoked includes the level of spiritual maturity as well. For me, Mr. Right must know God, not just know of him. Coming from a long line of strong, domineering women, submission has always been a challenge. I strive in this area, but since I must, I will feel eased by submitting to a man that himself is submitting to Christ. Thus, he must have a personal relationship with Jesus. Otherwise, we may be in conflict, because I won’t trust the decisions he makes for the household. Better yet, give me a man after God’s own heart and on fire for the Lord. Yeah!

What is interesting to me, even with the criteria changing, some of the things that I was attracted to still linger. By nature, women are nurturers. Topped off with a heart to encourage others, I realize that I’m attracted to people who need guidance. I am able to see potential in everyone simply because I know that God has a purpose for them and the power to change lives. This is fine for ministry, but my mind must be renewed in this sense for a husband. A woman of God once told me how rather than desiring a man to help obtain, I must desire a man to help maintain. Hearing that was one of those “Wow” moments for me. This wisdom stems from looking at Adam and Eve in the garden. Adam already had the garden. God gave him Eve as a help mate to assist in maintaining what Adam already had. So, Mr. Right should already have some fruit (both spiritual and natural).


Finally, there is the issue that we experience looking at our own eligibility. Growing in age, with children of my own and increased inches around the waistline, seems that I may not be a prime selection myself in the physical sense. But a man of God seeks a godly woman above all things. Here, we can draw on the faith of Ruth,whose mother-in-law Naomi was too old to bare a son for her to wed after Ruth’s husband died. Surely, Ruth desired to have a husband, yet she continued on in her mission to care for Naomi. In the process, God blessed her with Boaz. So, as we continue in the will and work of God, we position ourselves to meet up with Mr. Right. This includes areas in our personal lives. Likewise, I believe God is working on that soon-to-be-blessed-because-he-will-have-found-a-good-thing-in-us man of God too. Even if you’re a loner like me, only going to church and grocery shopping is often the highlight of my week, God knows exactly where you’re at. If we depend on Him, Mr. Right will find us there… right in the center of God's will.

Does it Have Anything to Do with God?

When I started rapping as a teenager, my message was about how I was a 'DEF' Lady Emcee and you didn't want to battle with me. Mind you, this is back in the old school hip-hop days when female rappers were few. Of those to admire, I liked 'Sparky D' most and being that Roxanne Shante was her rival, amongst other reasons, I was hardly a fan. Even back then, I respected creativity, and detested the lollipop lyrics from childhood jingles that J.J. Fad was bringing with Supersonic. So, rapping was my passion, and I used to write all throughout the day, carrying my pen and pad everywhere I went.

Initially, my mother didn't say too much about my new-found hobby. Somehow or another though, Mama found one of my notebooks. Oops! Of course, she found the one that had my nasty raps. At 15 years old, what did I know about being "too hot and spicy" and that he needed "a child who was extra mild?" After that, she started paying more attention to my rapping activities and actually attended one of the concerts where I was an opening act. Me and the "We Three" crew had to rephrase some of our rhymes to appear decent and in order. Regardless, she never fully approved of me rapping after that and I used to sneak to perform and defend my title as Kandee Kisses, the "best female rapper" in Fresno.

At one point, I was asked to do a demo for a record label that was new at the time, and is still in full-force today with top-of-the-chart hits. "Unh uh! You can't do it. It doesn't have anything to do with God." Was she serious? This was a chance of a lifetime. I was even asked to just write the lyrics for some girls that Too Short was working with, and Mama still said "Nope! Can't do it!"

For years, I mean decades, I held a pinned up resentment toward my mother for not letting me pursue my dreams. Sure, I believed in God, but this was about fame and fortune... having BIG gold chains, flashy gear and fancy cars, not just an everyday opportunity. At some low points in my life, I wondered what it would have been like if I had become a famous rapper. Yet, as I began to understand the calling on my life, I see how it may have affected me for the worse. It was at the climax of those low points that I sought the very God that I ignored in my quest for stardom, as if He wasn't paying attention. The same God that brought me through all the hurdles of street life with activities that fortune would have funded and probably killed me.

Today, I'm grateful Mama didn't let me do it. (sorry it took so long to get here Mom) Today, I understand the value and responsibility of having gifts and talents. I understand that my gifts were entrusted to me to carry a message that's far greater than how not to be a sucker-MC, and I'm still alive and able to share it.

So, what's your message and what impact does it have on people? Is it anti-God, promoting violence and/or destructive, disrespectful behavior? Is it a message of hope and empowerment or despair and self-righteousness? If your message is about advancing the well-being of others in a way that brings enlightenment to love (agape), then it has to do with God, because God IS love. It may not even appear to be directly about God to have something to do with Him. The Bible, itself, has books that don't contain the word "God." The Book of Esther, for example... do your homework. Sure, some speak or write using biblical scriptures and Christianese terms, but others relate to people using their own lingo. Some paint nature or beautiful abstract pictures with deep meaning, some sing encouraging melodies, some produce beats to blast with empowering hip hop lyrics. All are called to walk alongside and be an example. You might have been working for God all along and haven't even known it. You know, He can and will use anyone for His purpose. So... does your message have anything to do with God?

Stood Up (poem)

KABOOMIN cabinet doors
Zoomin from room to room
Slidin across the floor
Tearin up the house
where's the other Jimmy Choo?
Guess these boots gon' have to do
cause he'll be here in a few
Let me slow my self down
get a grip…
and go check out my doo!

Soliloquizin lines
the clever words I’ll say tonight
gigglin n’ cheesin in the mirror
freckles ain't too pretty
but the makeup’s tight!
Dang, the bulb blew out
now there ain’t gon' be much light
It’s cool, I’ll lay it out like this
he’ll like this candlelight
Play some soft jazzmatic sounds
to set the m-o-o-d just right
Relax
breathe
just be…
I got a date tonight

15 minutes late…
     hmmm... this is kinda’ rude
20 minutes late…
     now, I’m gettin' an attitude
30 minutes…
     call… voicemail on the first ring
   Hey… just checkin’ to see where you’re at
   there’s somethin’ I want you to bring
45 minutes…
     kick off the boots, cause they’re w-a-y too tight
     pouting 'bout all I did to look cute
     blow out the candlelight

Vexed and perplexed, tryin to conceal
the rejection I really feel
Break out the Häagen Daz and DVD
as if it’s no big deal
I nod off
humbly
carefree…
Or so I seemed to be


BUT... God Knows and Sees EVERYTHING

[God]
Gazing upon my sweet child
submersed in tranquil sleep
She’s the apple of my eye
My darling beloved sheep
Hey, I’ll cheer her up
I know just what she will like
A morning bluebird serenade
a gentle breeze and bright sun light
Should I wake her now?
No, I think I’ll let her get some rest
Oh, I’m so excited
I crave her sweet incense
Oh, I was so delighted
from the past few mornings that we spent
All I want is to show her love
Her heart I want to mend
on Me can she depend
Me... and Me alone


Ok, just one gentle touch
a stroke upon her cheek
Awww, look at my baby girl yawn
she’s just about to speak
Flickering eyes adjust to the sun
I love their early morning glow
Though she hates her freckles
I created them just so
Always thinking she’s ugly
but she's gorgeous, made perfectly
That part she likes least about herself
I love… for she’s unique
Look! She’s dropping to her knees
Good morning daughter, I love you!
Oh… she’s just looking under the bed
for her other high heel shoe

15 minutes…
     bathroom prep to sweeten up her breath
20 minutes later
     a shower to make sure she’s clean and fresh
30 minutes
     See, that’s why I blew out the light
     The prayer book beside the pack of bulbs
     a little dusty, but in plain sight
45 minutes
     The Today show? Ask me! I know just how it’ll go
     What? she's putting her on coat
     Kaboom! She's out the door

I knew her commitment to “quiet time”
was a little too good to be true
This morning, I just wanted to tell her I love her…
and where to find... her favorite shoe

Candace Burts © 2009. All rights reserved

Inspiration from Quiet Quality Time

Quiet Quality Time

Quiet Time… that time when all presence around you is still. When silence is only accompanied by the soft chirping of morning birds, or a gentle hum of the warm heat flowing through the vents. That special time with you… and God.

I’ve never spent any quality quiet time with God that I didn’t enjoy. I always feel refreshed, renewed and more insightful about life. When I begin my day with Him, I’ve found that I’m more calm and serene throughout the day too. On the flip side, I’ve had some “dry seasons” in the past where I was so preoccupied with pursuing goals or taking care of people that I only gave God bits and pieces of left-over in-between time. I was one irritable, impatient and frustrated sista; going ziggidy-boom on auto-pilot all over the place and still not accomplishing anything. Sure, it was quiet in the car for those 3 minutes I would pray, but my attention wasn’t devoted to Him. The time we spent was lacking… quality.


Since God desires to have a relationship with us, He wants to communicate with us daily. Not just some surface chit-chat here and there that you call prayer. He wants quality time, when we show our love for each other and He gives us direction for our daily lives. There’s a difference between knowing of God, knowing about God and actually knowing Him. It’s not about how much scripture you can quote, but how much you trust Him. God has feelings too.

I wrote the poem Stood Up one night as I imagined how God feels when we don't spend time with Him. Yet, we can get all fixed up and anxious for a date, a business meeting or performance. We even spend hours writing. Have you ever made an empty promise to pray everyday or read a scripture, but only lasted for a short time? My hand is raised, because I sure have in the past. Often, we get so caught up in our affairs, that we’re off and running… leaving God behind… stood up.

Your daily mediation doesn't have to be a long time. I usually spend about 1-1/2 hours per day. I read my Bible, pray, maybe sing; then I quiet my mind and listen. You can start out slow with just 10 minutes a day and gradually increase. Consistency is most important.

The main thing is that you don’t stand up God. He wouldn't leave you hanging. Show Him some love and spend a portion of each day in quiet quality time. Then come back and share the difference it’s made in your life. I’m absolutely sure, it’s for the better.

If you haven't read the poem yet, check out Stood Up.

Love, My Dove (poem)

Loving good
it's good to pray
hating evil
evil haters prey
...on my dove
The Lord is my Shepherd
I feel no evil
filled with no evil
real to no evil
I love good
good comes from above
...on my dove
Love

by Candace and Slay
Candace Burts © 2009. All rights reserved

Deeper Restoration

I wrote the poem Mine Eyes Upon the Lord at the end of a season in my life what I termed as "Deeper Restoration." My partying and hanging days were behind me. I was a devoted Christian by this time and had become responsible with finances and managing my household. I had been recognized for many accomplishments, yet there was some deeper work to be done... within.

I discovered this after I met my Boaz. The brotha' was wise, witty, fine and on fire for the Lord! It was all good at first, but when I fell in love, insecurities from my past resurfaced. Caught off guard, I was astonished at how I felt about myself. Suddenly, I realized... I was aging. I didn't feel like that cute, young honey anymore. I'd gained a little weight, noticing a few not-so-cute dimples in places other than the one on my face. As a minster, I no longer dressed provocatively to emphasize the sexy parts of my body I had once been so proud to show off. No, it was the real deal, just me. How was I to appeal to this godly man in my life without strutting my stuff?

To my amazement, good ole' Christian Candace began behaving like many women dealing with low self-esteem who are in relationships... I started tripping. Comparing myself to other women, comparing my man to former boyfriends, getting an attitude and jealous for no reason. I was making assumptions on how he felt, thinking he was using or betraying me. Oh, it was crazy! I thought, "Where in the world is this coming from?" I knew I had to get it together... real quick!


At first, I tried to heal myself. A distorted self-image and deep insecurities had robbed my joy and hindered my purpose for far too long. After reading tons of books and spending a lot of unnecessary money on physical restoration, I still found myself reacting to my past… making hasty decisions, dishonoring my man and destroying our future. More so, I felt like I had failed and displeased God, who had blessed me with this incredible man in the first place. Finally, I separated from him to spend a season with God... a season of "Deeper Restoration." It lasted for a few months, but was the greatest thing I could have ever done for our relationship.

If you're in a similar state, take some time out for personal healing. Although exercise, good eating habits and taking care of your body is a good thing, only God can truly restore you to realize your true worth. God showed me that through His Word would I be delivered, because there one can find their identity, purpose and value. It is in the Bible that you'll be reminded that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, a royal priestess, daughter of the Most High. You may have heard and even quoted some of these scriptures I studied during the season of "Deeper Restoration," but take a few weeks to meditate on them:

• Read and re-read the scriptures daily
  
• memorize and repeat verses to yourself throughout the day
  
• pray for God to give you understanding
  
• look up cross-references
  
• post scriptures on your wall or as notes in your cell phone
  
• study words from original Hebrew or Greek language
  
• share with other women about what God is revealing to you
  
• listen to sermons on the topics
  
• journal your thoughts along the way
  

After spending much time focusing on self-love, prayer, and meditation, the result was a few simple words that changed my life forever. Keep my eyes on Jesus. Outside influences and deceptive thoughts can distort your reality. Just keep your eyes on Him. So, when you get discouraged… think about Jesus. If you get crazy thoughts about someone who loves you trying to betray you… think about the Lord. If you're feeling unattractive... what does God have to say about you, His most prized possession? When you want to beat yourself up for falling short… seek his mercy. It's yours, because you are His righteousness through Christ. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing, including loved ones, children, the people at work, at church… not even your man. If you just keep your eyes on Him, He will heal, protect and lead you into your destiny.

Here are just a few Deeper Restoration scriptures to get you started, but you will be blessed as more are revealed to you personally during your season:
Genesis 2:18-24; Psalm 139:14; Proverbs 5:19, 31:10-31; Isaiah 61:3; Zechariah 2:8; 2 Corinthians 10:5; 1 Peter 2:9

Read Mine Eyes Upon the Lord

Touched by God

Who knows what this man is going through?
but he is... passing through it
taking a minute in a dark hour to pray and reflect
tightly clenched fists and vein-strained hands
he is confronting something
his bowed head is not a symbol of defeat, but
humility and reverence
an understanding that some things in life are
beyond our power

~SLAY

Copyright 2008© Patrick Slay


Slay is a multi-talented artist and poet, an awesome man of God and my best friend. Though also gifted in painting and sculpting, most of his works are in pencil, with an urban and spiritual influence. He was the first to inspire me to listen to what art is saying. Hear the voice of the artist, and experience their joys, crys, screams, laughter and power. I'll be adding a series of posts to display his artwork in the future.

You are My Poem (poem)

You are my poem
You have a soul
You live within the confines of the blue lines whereupon I have inscribed you
Birthed from my heart with passionate phrases
I created you for greatness
Shaped, fashioned and formed you with purpose
breathed life into you with my spoken word
You are a living poem

You’re not just any poem
you are my favorite
I’ve written several sentences and phrases
a paragraph or two, but you…
you are my most prized possession
When I finished your last word
I read you over and over from beginning to end
I said, “This is good!”

Then, a thief came along and tried to claim you as their own
jumbled your lines to make you appear in a different form
remixed your sound, now you think you’re just a hook
But look!
Know that I am the Author and Finisher of your being
You are a part of my book
The #1 Best Seller

You are an original
created in my likeness
I poured myself into you
You have my power, my style, and my flow
You are not a remix
You are not simply a bunch of words with no meaning
You have an amazing sound and rhythm of your own

I created you with purpose
on purpose
and for a purpose
Know your worth!
You have the power to impact the world
to stand as a legacy to represent me
Before you were typed, I defined your destiny

The paper you live upon may fade, tear or rip
digital copies may be deleted or zipped
but you will always exist
for eternity with me
and in the hearts of all the lives you’ve touched with your beauty
You are my poem

Candace Baldwin © 2009-2013. All rights reserved